In science there is a constant debate over whether or not the G-spot orgasm actually exists. Think of it as a vaginal witch-hunt. I know, science can send a particle faster than the speed of light but they can’t confirm my orgasm.
Well…my maybe-orgasm. I think I’ve had a g-spot orgasm. Maybe. I’m not really sure, even as it is happening. And I hear this from my friends too: G-spot orgasms don’t feel like clitoral orgasms. They are different, or something.
But somewhere along the way I got the message that this is how I should be getting off. (Thanks science?) Partly, this message– and the research backing it– has a very hetero seeming PiV-obsessed agenda (Jesus <3 penis-sex.) But there is also a glossy magazine sex-positive liberalism here too. (The Beverly Whipple school.) And either way, it isn’t helping.
Being in my late teens and identifying as sex positive, I started to feel like being truly liberated meant getting off in every way imaginable, but especially the g-spot way. I also felt like I should be exploring anal sex and viewing porn competitively, as though I was training for the jack-off Olympics. I had fabricated some super sex version of myself—- a manic pixie haired feminist whose imaginary sex positive life I had to live up to.
So, I obsessively read articles on the g-spot (a come hither motion with the fingers, ooh lala) (a small walnut?? what?) I even watched a film about squirting, hoping to discover my maniac pixie-cum potion. “See, like that, feel that?” A sex partner might say, who was trying to help me out.“Yeah…” my voice would be unsure, I’d probably be frowning, “I kinda feel like I have to pee”.
I thought, if I were really that sex possie pixie haired girl, I would have probably relaxed into the pee feeling. Who cares if she actually pees! Her queefs are cute and hilarious!
But because I am an actual human, my sex life looked like me being in my head feeling feelings and thinking things like: “I am totally not going to orgasm until like the fifth time we have sex..”
But then randomly, during penetration… holy shit was that my g-spot he was hitting? It built to a sort of plateau then came back down. I moaned, it felt good but I was confused. “Did you just have an orgasm” he asked? “Yes? I think so?” Was this it? Or was I faking it without even realizing it? It happened a few more times, this maybe orgasm. But now I was in my head so much that they stopped happening at all.
My friend Faith may be that maniac sex positive dream girl. (I mean that in the best way.) She throws kissing parties and hosts masked bang-gangs. On her Facebook profile photo she wears heart shaped pasties and a lace mask. I instant message her and ask what she thinks about my maybe go-spot orgasms: “You feel the build up and it feels good, why would you second guess that? It can be hard to let go emotionally, and even physically, but if you push through a you can exhaust yourself to immobility and complete wetness.”
Why second guess myself? Well… isn’t that what this science and the media coverage is making me do? As much as I like science about sexuality and our bodies, the whole thing feels like rumination. It also points out how little women are made to feel at ease their bodies, if there were such doubt cast over the clitoral orgasm, would I would wonder if that was real too?
So much of sex is not logical. Sex is whatever you feel and what you make it. It is weird and dreamy and in your head. And when I’ve been able to have them, I have enjoyed the maybe-maybe-not orgasms. Whatever they are, they are real to me. So I guess that is what matters. Probably?
What are your experiences with g-spot orgasms? Have you had a maybe-one? Does it matter?