Orgy Etiquette: The Juicy Details of a Swingers Party

27thOct. × ’10

Remember that time Gapers Block sent me to report on Chicago’s first all bisexual swingers club? No? Well, I’ve re-visited that night and shared all of the juicy details at The Frisky.

Here is an excerpt:

I’m talking with Ivana, a middle-aged woman with Anna Wintour hair, when a droopy blonde saunters by. “I don’t like fat,” she lowers her voice. “But sometimes you are in the midst of it, and you just don’t know someone is there, or you don’t care. But you must always remember to say no if you don’t like it.” I turn around and the rest of the group has disappeared, taken by the blonde’s proposition for group sex.

This is orgy etiquette. The men hang back and the women make the moves. There is ideally asking before touching and definitely asking before money shots. But one of my kitchen-friends tells me this party is a bit skewed. Because it is bisexual and men hit on men, the propositioning is back in their hands. “It’s more of a masculine vibe here,” she says.

With my friends gone, I explore. Up the spiral staircase, past a traffic jam of pink skin and Laffy Taffy-like dicks, I find an orgy room. It’s dark and the room is filled with sex sounds: moans, sucking, flesh smacking flesh. There are bodies as far as I can see. A three-way blowjob is happening at my knees and in front of me, a wiry blond man pumps a queen-sized black woman, who muffles her howls into a pillow.

…I marvel at how fluidly they move between partners, and realize that Ivana’s “just say no” advice makes sense.

Later, we take a breather on the couch. A woman in her 60s snores loudly next to me. A skinny woman comes over. “I don’t know. I just, I just, can’t get into it tonight.” She is jumpy with wet permed hair and smeared eye makeup. “I just took a shower,” she points at her hair. “She is on the verge of having an anxiety attack,” my husband whispers to me.

The room fills and suddenly a naked man stands in front of the anxious woman’s face. She politely begins to perform fellatio. Watching, I wonder if the golden rule should be less about manners and friendliness and more about protecting what you want, and what you are OK with sexually.

I go to find my kitchen friends, who are still locked in orgy. One of them pats a place on the bed, for me to watch. Click and read the rest.

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8 Comments

  1. Posted 2010-10-27 at 13:05 | Permalink

    Lately, I’ve been thinking about what it might be like to swing with my husband. Reading this post was both terrifying & exciting for me. You do great work, Rachel!

  2. Posted 2010-10-27 at 14:28 | Permalink

    Ev’Yan, I’ve got to say you and J would get eaten up at a sex party! While our fantasies of swinger shin digs might be filled with hot young 10′s, the truth just isn’t always as pretty. ;) & Thanks love xoxo

  3. K
    Posted 2010-10-29 at 09:28 | Permalink

    While I agree with the concept of finding “a room of one’s own” and finding one’s own “true work”, I have to wonder if a lack of satisfaction is actually inferior to waking up in the mornings with the same one person year after year. The blame for the dark perceptions people have about sex cannot be squarely mounted on the heads of Christians; other religious folk can influence those dark perceptions, too. Sexual liberation always seems to involve boundaries. What are your thoughts on that?

    Oxytocin is a powerful chemical, as I anticipate that it will harm me more than it helps me.

  4. Mandy
    Posted 2010-11-2 at 07:04 | Permalink

    I found this both interesting and insightful. Whilst the idea of swinging has never come up between me and my partner, we have frequently entertained the notion of threesomes-we both identify as bisexual and are very willing to explore that.
    There are still plenty of issues to work through before I could reach a stage where I felt emotionally comfortable enough to do that-it could be as simple as being too mentally engaged with my hang-ups associated with it, or confronting feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Either way it’s something to contemplate!

  5. Posted 2010-12-23 at 19:59 | Permalink

    Never even thought of an “all bisexual” swing party before.
    Never heard of one happening in any circles we travel.

  6. Posted 2011-01-9 at 03:08 | Permalink

    I came across this website when doing research about something totally different but uses the same terminology. Obviously I stayed until the end, needing to go to the continuation. I must say that I found myself locked into how you visually laid (no pun intended) out the whole scene. While I can understand why some people would be into this lifestyle, I’m not so sure about the random nature of it. As a guy to say this might sound rare or strage (I don’t know what other men confide in you) but at this point in my life, after having dozens of partners, I need some kind of emotional connection first meaning that I want to talk to her to have the ability to be turned on. I know that at 35 I realize that I’m not getting old based on how you describe the party with respect to the ages, but it just seems too animalistic to me. More power to them if they feel emotionally better afterwards, but I think I might feel differently.

  7. Posted 2011-01-9 at 03:40 | Permalink

    I wrote an earlier comment just a minute ago about your vivid portrayal of what happens at a swingers party but I was using Google Chrome and it crashed after I posted it so I don’t know if it posted or not. While researching about something totally different with the same nomenclature, I found myself here. Rather than say the whole store over again, upon further reflection upon myself I think that since I’ve lost count of the number of flings I’ve had during times of depression (and with losing count means that you don’t remember their name and may not even recognize their face) and it didn’t make me feel better at the time (actually only worse sometimes) I don’t think that I could ever get into a party like this where you leave most of your empathy at the door. As said before, I’m all for people who want to do this, since I think those who married too young or saved their virginity until after marriage are cheating themselves out of unanswered questions that most will have…the “what ifs”.

    I used to take great pride in being able to remember the names and faces of everyone I had slept with over a period of age 18-31. Then at that point I went through a phase where the numbers got blurry where no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember what I did with whom. What’s worse is that even if I had been with them nearly a dozen times, since it was purely for sex for both of us and I did know their name at the time, it’s like post-traumatic stress syndrome where now my mind is a total blank in most cases. The strange thing is that when I knew that it wasn’t “just a fling” (or flings) for the girl especially if she thought that there would be a chance that it would be more than that, I do remember both her face and her name. But everybody else is a ghost. So maybe there is some spiritual aspect to our memories, especially when it comes to creating an emotional link. Then again, it could be all coincidence….I don’t know. But what I do know is that even though I’m not proud at all of myself for losing count like that, I’m glad that I experienced it, so at least I know what it means to have that emotional bond.

  8. Absurdist
    Posted 2011-03-3 at 01:47 | Permalink

    I revisited this entry (and the associated articles) because I recently became aware that Chemistry is starting up BioChemistry, an initial strike towards bringing some Private Encounters energy to NYC and Philly. I think I’m liking the notion that this is a trend that might truly be spreading, though I’m not sure that I’m still young enough to appreciate it for myself (being forty-two and wearing every ounce of it these days).

    Perhaps the spirit will sweep through to here in Texas eventually, but I’m not holding my breath for that.

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  2. By Rabbit statt Bunny « mädchenblog on 2011-05-3 at 04:29

    [...] einem journalistischen Standpunkt aus. Ob es sich dabei um Ältere mit BDSM-Vorlieben handelt, den ersten rein bisexuellen Swingerclub oder Clownssex – das Ziel ist es, nie zu schockieren, sondern einen Dialog über Sexualität [...]